Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A thought, dangling on a flaxen thread, is illuminated in my mind...

Or maybe I just sneezed.

I am not a morning person.
I hate getting out of bed, and would rather stay nestled away all day than get up before I FEEL like it.
My school schedule is such that I must rise in the just-before-7 time period and this is far too early for my taste.
I have decided, however, to look at the bright side, by looking at the bright side.
The sky is absolutely breathtaking at the time of morning!
Yesterday, my 9 year wedding anniversary, began with a sky of gilded clouds, banked by searing orangey-pinks to the northeast and a rainbow to the south.
It was worth every moment of forced wakefulness!!
I felt it was a good omen, too--a rainbow, on this morning of bitter celebration.
There was also a full moon last night, or fullish, I never really know if it's the precisely full moon or just the day before or after or whatever.
But it was glowing and crystal clear.

I have homework to do tonight.
I'm sure all zero of you out there reading this are thrilled.
I think the reason I had to switch blogs was to see if I could regain my Voice.
That doesn't seem likely at this point.
What is my focus in life if it is not to become a Real Writer?
Ah, yes, learn some skills that will make me hirable for some job and work it for the next 30 years.
...someone's feeling grouchy today.

I wish I knew what was on my horizon.
I wish I knew how this life of mine was going to work out.
I wish I had never made such wrong choices, but I did, and so now what?
Is there any going back?
Will this life ever really work again?
I certainly don't deserve it.
All I can do is be the best Me that I can, and hope that's enough.

My love crashes with impotence against the cool marble face of you,
and unabsorbed, lies in a heap at my feet.
The pile of it is growing so high that it will suffocate me soon.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Do I have anything to say?

I wrote something today during class.
Well, I wrote lots of things today during class.
I wrote "Spicy Chicken from Wendy's" at least once...
I was growing fixated as my stomach rumbled and growled.
I also wrote something about the beauty of getting lost in the ordinary tasks of life, but I can't remember what it was.
Somehow the idea appealed to me.
Usually it inspires revulsion in me.
I slept funny on my neck last night and it is so fucking uncomfortable today that I'm about ready to go sprawl on the couch and watch a couple of back episodes of Last Comic Standing just so I can laugh away the pain.
I already tried taking drugs and making cookies, but so far I am still in pain.
I mean, the cookies were sort of a long shot, I realize this, but the drugs should have done something!!
Usually Aleve is my drug of choice, specifically for the aches and pains that come with reaching the ripe old age of 23 (or possibly 32...I tend to be a little dyslexic when it comes to age lately...).
I didn't have any in my ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS backpack (which may have something to do with the sore shoulder/neck issue) and I was growing desperate.
I had to go to the copy center to pick up a printed version of my philosophy professor's homemade textbook and would you believe my luck?
Would you????
The campus pharmacy was RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!!
Both of which were located down the hall from the bowling alley and around the corner from the computer lab, but that's irrelevant.
For now.
They didn't have Aleve, but they had a generic brand so I greedily bought it and popped a couple.
About an hour later I felt a very odd sensation in my shoulder region, as the pain shifted to a new feeling.
It was still pain, just a different color.
Oh well.
I'm sure it'll be gone soon.

Any more stories...?
Can't think of any.
Kids' first day of school today and that went fine.
They both had mini panic attacks when I dropped them off, which was friggin' weird as hell, cuz they're not anxious kids, in general, but they had a good day.

Ok, time to go be productive.
(it is so weird to write when there's no one reading!! I'm accustomed to addressing PEOPLE and this is like standing in front of an empty concert hall, speaking my lines anyway...)

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Because this bird must sing--

But I'm hating the old patterns.
I have tried to break away from my old blog so many times I can't count 'em.
Well...that's slightly misleading, as I could log in and count the unused blogs pretty easily, but I'm
lazy for such a thing.

The whole point of this is a fresh start to go with my freshly restarted life.
The Back in Black reference is twofold, and quite straightforward:
1. AC/DC kicks a whole array of ass, and my inclination to listen to them tells you that I am neither a teenager nor a wuss. I am a very cool chick, if I do say so myself. (And I do.)
2. I am Irish and fair skinned, with blonde hair that has darkened over the years to a color I don't find suitable for a woman as cool and sex-ay as myself so therefore I dye the curly mass of stuff black. It looks way better than I thought it would.

Ok, so that's enough with the introductions.
I am unable to keep my thoughts to myself, so here they'll sit.
I'm not sure I have the energy to build a whole new network of blogger friends, so perhaps I'll never have any visitors, but that's ok, too.
I do just like to talk to hear myself, after all...
Well isn't that was blogs are for???
Or should I say, aren't those the folks that blogs are for?

This place is starting to feel like home already...
Now, if I could just throw a few more "fuck"s and "goddammit"s around the place, it would really be mine.