Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A thought, dangling on a flaxen thread, is illuminated in my mind...

Or maybe I just sneezed.

I am not a morning person.
I hate getting out of bed, and would rather stay nestled away all day than get up before I FEEL like it.
Well...
My school schedule is such that I must rise in the just-before-7 time period and this is far too early for my taste.
I have decided, however, to look at the bright side, by looking at the bright side.
The sky is absolutely breathtaking at the time of morning!
Yesterday, my 9 year wedding anniversary, began with a sky of gilded clouds, banked by searing orangey-pinks to the northeast and a rainbow to the south.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.........smile..........
It was worth every moment of forced wakefulness!!
I felt it was a good omen, too--a rainbow, on this morning of bitter celebration.
There was also a full moon last night, or fullish, I never really know if it's the precisely full moon or just the day before or after or whatever.
But it was glowing and crystal clear.

I have homework to do tonight.
I'm sure all zero of you out there reading this are thrilled.
I think the reason I had to switch blogs was to see if I could regain my Voice.
That doesn't seem likely at this point.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
What is my focus in life if it is not to become a Real Writer?
Ah, yes, learn some skills that will make me hirable for some job and work it for the next 30 years.
Woop-dee-doo.
...someone's feeling grouchy today.

I wish I knew what was on my horizon.
I wish I knew how this life of mine was going to work out.
I wish I had never made such wrong choices, but I did, and so now what?
Is there any going back?
Will this life ever really work again?
I certainly don't deserve it.
All I can do is be the best Me that I can, and hope that's enough.

My love crashes with impotence against the cool marble face of you,
and unabsorbed, lies in a heap at my feet.
The pile of it is growing so high that it will suffocate me soon.

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