These boots aren't made for walkin'

But I wore them all over campus today anyway.
Tall, cuddly boots--
which dug into my foot just below the ankle bone and left me bloody and wincing.
Fie.
Fie, I say!
Fie on those stupid boots and my lapse of good sock judgment!
Next time, socks.

My English professor said the most profound thing about love today while we were discussing one of the most famous sonnets of Shakespeare's.
He said that loving unconditionally opens you up for a lot more pain,
but it has such great rewards.
Not news, but the way he said it clicked for me and I realized I need to relax into this a little better...
Just dare to let it happen.
Trust it.
Don't rush it.
And be aware that I may end up hurt, but that it won't be worth it unless I allow myself to reach the place where pain is possible.
I married someone because I couldn't get hurt by him.
That worked out less well than I would have hoped...
Heh.

I tried to find that Regina Spektor album yesterday but I haven't succeeded yet.
"suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall"
Yeah, no shit.
I love that song.

I need to slow down and just BE with myself more, too.

Today I went out to my car after my last class and discovered a completely flat tire!!
There was a huge puncture in it, and I thought at first it had been slashed,
and I called my roadside service number to get a tow truck.
After waiting for an hour I realized I had a spare...
holy fucking blonde moment.
Well, it wasn't so much that I didn't realize I had it before,
it was just more like I thought it would be simpler to get towed to the tire store because I would need FOUR NEW TIRES.
Oh, the joys of All-Wheel drive....grrrr.....
I thought it would be much worse, and said good-bye to my Pirrelis...
But $400 is still a lot to let fall out of your pocket on the way down the street.
Bah.
And the tires were only 5 months old, so they had a lot of life left in them. Siiiiiiiigh.
So I ended up having the tow truck guy just change the tire instead of towing me to the closest tire shop...
so that I could then drive 50 miles on a spare, at 50 mph.
Hmm...
That looks like the easiest math problem I've ever seen!!!
Heheheee...

So today I am frig
ging
exhausted.
And I had a moment where I kind of recognized that I miss having a Man to call in those situations.
Someone to deal with it for me...
He was good that way.
But the best part was remembering that I am great at dealing with stuff like that myself.
...except for the part where I could have put the spare on and been on my way in much less time.
Anyway.
It worked out ok, but only because my dear friend was able to pick up the kiddos after school.
Otherwise I would have been screw-ed.

That reminds me...
...I might be screwed in a little while, if I'm lucky....
And I might GET lucky in a little while if I'm lucky...er...huh?
Screw you.

*****

Now I'm back.
I got SCREWED, man!
...and good.
Two weeks to the day, and I finally got to see my sweet one again.
He is so...
DREAMY.
giggle...giggle...
Sorry, please excuse my silliness...
It was so good to see him.
And talk to him and yes, be oh-so-naked with him!

Weirdly, tonight I had the SoonToBe on the phone as my tech support so I could help my babysitter get her new computer hooked up to the internet and his girlfriend offered some assitance from the passenger's seat...
I'd be curious to know if she knew who he was talking to, but it all felt very comfortable.
It tweaked me for less than a second to discover that it didn't bother me at all to hear her voice.
He and I had quite an amazing conversation on Saturday, and paired with the wrenching and ghastly experience I had with a proxy of him on Wednesday, I feel like I have let him go to a huge degree.
It's gooooood.

So is silence.
To just be with my thoughts is so great.
I need to start writing more, but I'm not rushing anything.
I said something the other night that I just HAD to write down and then I forgot what it was.
When I checked it turned out it was pretty spectacular.
In a word play sorta way.
"It truncated itself...like an elephant masturbating!"
I don't remember what the truncation comment was in reference to, but I remember saying it and then giggling and adding that last part.
And that's all that matters!!!
I also decided to start calling my PERIOD the following:
My monthly pregnancy preparedness seminar.
I read the funniest damn thing once drawing a parallel between someone who only ever has to dig one ditch in their life, but has to practice digging one every month for 4 or 5 days for 30 or 40 years! HA!
It was awesome.
Cuz, seriously--what the hell??
Why can't we just turn that whole cycle off when we're done with it??
Oh well.