Divorce Drama

I wrote this post last week, but I didn't want to sully the simple beauty of my sexy posts with its utter divorce drama-ness.
So...here it is:

When I dropped the kids off for their weekend with Dad the neighbor took it upon herself to inform me of a female visitor who has been spending a lot of time at his house.
Gulp.
It really made my head spin for a few minutes.
I mean...wow.
It hurt.
I wasn't going to mention it to him, but as soon as I drove away from her house he called and asked what she wanted to talk to me about.
So I told him.
And I asked him if he was dating her and he said, "You could call it that."
Cut.
Like.
A.
Knife.
So I called Shar and cried for a few minutes and then I called Becky and bitched for a few minutes.
And then I felt better.
And I said, "Well, there goes the guilt I was feeling for entertaining the idea of hooking back up with ole What's-his-name."
...who never arrived at the party anyway.
But this boy did.
And he makes longboards as a hobby and plays guitar and thinks I'm spectacular.
(that last one is just code for: has really great taste in women).
Eh.
We'll see.
If I don't see him again I don't think I'll care, but that's easy to say when he's only been gone a few minutes and my body still aches from the primal passion with which he needed me...
Thank you, Universe!
Thank you for sending me a momentary reprieve from the sadness of divorce.
Oh, and he writes...

Before he had even arrived, I had realized that I am happy for my SoonToBe and that I hope he's having a great time with whoever the skank is.
Hee....
Yes, I'm still a GIRL, why do you ask?
I just want to be clear that this connection with this man was not a revenge thing.
I guess now that we're a small, intimate group here I might as well just spill the fucking beans--
I cheated on my husband last year.
That is what got us into this mess.
That and the fact that we were never a good match.
At all.
Not to mention that I was exhausted from the effort of trying to make him accept love for 8 years,
nor the fact that he had accused me of cheating for 8 years.
I was never a girl who could cheat.
Never.
It wasn't in me.
But I guess you should never say never.
When you go without Love for so long and are told that you're a cheater...
well, whatever.
There's no excuse.
I did what I did.
And I hate having caused him so much pain.
But he now agrees that we're better off apart, and if this girl helped him to see that, then I'm extra glad he found her.
As we wrestled with this decision these past 9 months, he was never ready.
We both wanted to make it work, but we also both knew that we were never going to be ok again.

Gah.
I can't believe I admited all that.
I just feel like it's important that if you're here, supporting my happiness that you understand what led me here.
I am finally free.
And maybe I can never fully express all that was wrong in my marriage and all that we both did to try to make a round peg fit into a square hole for so many years, but I do honor the fact that we both tried.
For two people who should never have made it past the 6 month mark, we really blew it out of the park.
And I truly hope that he finds a better match in this girl, and I know without a doubt that I will find a better match myself.
I also know that I am a great wife and that I'll never settle for the wrong man again, and that I'll never be such a coward as to cheat in order to end things...
I learned so much from that experience alone!
And I learned that I am as strong as I remember being.
It's hard to make this clear without being more negative about Mr. Ex than I would like to be, but I'm sure I'll go into more detail some time.
The gist of it is that he didn't come into the marriage with tools for success and he had a different list of priorities, across the board, from me.

Oh, a side note, and a very negative one at that: when he returned the kids to me on Sunday I asked them if they had fun carving pumpkins with Dad.
They said, "Yes. And his friend was there."
My stomach dropped and I said, calmly, "Oh? What was his friend's name?"
They answered with a girl's name, although, much to my delight it hadn't stuck with them--they said one of my friend's names and added, "But not that, just something like that."
I finished the conversation and quietly excused myself to go outside and call their irresponsible, selfish father.
That was the biggest fight we've had since the split and frankly, it was mostly one sided.
I let him HAVE IT.
What the hell???
It was his first weekend with his kids and he had to have her come over???
We had even agreed previously that we would NOT introduce people we were dating to our kids until things were serious, and I said, "I don't care if you think it's serious or not at this point. We have only been separated for TWO WEEKS. That is way too soon for kids."
We had it out pretty good over the next couple of conversations and I think he finally understands that it is just WRONG to do that.
"I introduced her as my friend..."
Dumbass.
I can handle it, but the kids shouldn't have to.
Hell, he took the chick to meet his brother's family without warning them and his brother wouldn't even let her in the house!
He said, "Dude. My kids! They are still adjusting to this."
Thank god there are people in his life who aren't brain dead.
Cuz he kinda is.
:)

In happier news, I may get to see my adorable one tonight...
and I definitely get to see him tomorrow!
I am soooooooooooo excited!!